Leslie and me

Psych was on TV and Leslie and I were laughing our heads off and talking about what we were going to do on this fine Thursday. That’s when it happened; that’s when I heard the doorbell and we both went dead silent. I picked up the remote and muted the TV. We peeked out the window… “Hide!” I whispered my heart racing. We both silently ran into the next room.

I peeked out of the brown wooden blinds for what seemed like the hundredth time. “They’re still out there! What are we going to say to them? What can we do?” This was the fourth day in a row that I was trapped in here; this usually didn’t make me mad or upset but the fact that my friend was here visiting from Utah was making this more frustrating by the minute. Yesterday we had both sprinted for my truck, me on my phone and Leslie hiding behind me. 

“Won’t they ever give up?” Leslie says as she glanced outside one more time. 

“Not to my knowledge,” I said, “but thankfully school starts up next week and then they will be gone!” 

My cat Hazel: named after a character in the book Watership down

“Why don’t they get that we don’t want any lemonade?” Thankfully, when we looked out the window one last time they were on lunch break. We left so fast that we forgot our bottle waters on the table next to the door. 

Sad to say this is how I live my life, in fear of saying no, in disappointing, but also in fear of missing out on something. Honestly I could tell you logically that it is ok that I told those little 12 year old girls next door “No thank you” every time they asked, but when facing that challenge I either see a couple of Titans with excellent selling capabilities or even worse a poor girl in a wheelchair holding a kitten. How could anyone say no to either of those things? Obviously my friend and I are alike. We cannot say no. 

I love the way Thomas in the CPA Journal states, “What I am suggesting is that instead of a person considering his or herself to be quiet, why not emphasize listening skills?  A good listener can’t be constantly talking.  The very best salespeople spend 70% of their time listening, so being quiet is an asset, not a liability” 

Me in the Outdoors of Idaho

"And so it turned out that only a life similar to the life of those around us, merging with it without a ripple, is genuine life, and that an unshared happiness is not happiness… And this was most vexing of all,’ he noted, ‘HAPPINESS IS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED"- IntoThe Wild

my favorite book ever!

“Science tells us that social connections make us happier and healthier, and science is right.  But there are different kinds of social connection.  Reading, for instance, can be a deeply social act, putting yourself inside other people’s minds”-Susan Cain

 I, for one, was excited to read this! Here was an article telling me that reading was a good social act.  I love to read and I had an “aha” moment when I realized that I was getting to know authors through the books that they were writing.  I can see that as I have read a book and perhaps loved it, I decided that I would read other books by this author.  Like the Author Sarah Dessen.  I read one book of hers years ago and even though she is a young adult author I still love to ‘hear’ her voice as I re-read her books.  And the opposite is true; if the book ended horribly, I would never read something from that author again.

2nd favorite book

Let me give you two situations and you tell me which one appeals to you more.  You are at work and are sad and depressed because your best friend just died in a car accident.  You tell one of your co-workers your story and how much it hurts.  He either: A. starts telling you about how he has had this happen to him and proceed to then describe it in detail and tell you that the only way to get through it is lots of ice-cream; or B. he listens quietly and tells you how sorry he is for you and continues listening as you tell him what happened.  Then he pats you on the back and says, “if you need anything…” 

                                                                    A or B????

I think that it is important to point out at this time that introversion is not the same as being shy, though introverts do show shy tendencies.  Let’s look at Gandhi for an example.  Would a shy person fast for peace for so long and have it advertised to everyone who would listen?  No, a shy person would rather stay in the shadows and never have the spotlight put on them. In Self-Perception, Volume 2, it tells us that shy people “report that they are self-conscience and feel awkward and ill at ease.  They cannot think of what to say in conversation…”  Introverts, on the other hand, don’t have anything they find worth saying and don’t feel like they want to try and fit in.  They would rather sit on the comfy couch and observe everyone else (and make comments to themselves). 

I'm falling and cant seem to catch myself

“What we do sometimes need is for everyone else to slow down a little so we have some airspace to enter the conversation. We’re not good at jumping into conversations”-Sophia Dembling 

The two aspects of introversion that I would like to emphasize are flexible and responsible by relating a story about a general in the US Air Force that Cain told us about.  “The general’s subordinates respected him because he listened to them.  It turns out that listening is key to good leadership: …introverted leaders often deliver better outcomes than extroverts, because they’re more likely to consider other people’s suggestions” (Cain).  How great to hear of a general who is flexible enough to listen to everyone!  In movies all you see is leaders saying, “I know what I’m doing” or “Did I ask for your opinion?  Follow orders”.  This gives you the outlook of a tyrant who commands obedience.  This great general had a secure enough attitude to take care of his fellow colleagues by showing great leadership skills just like Mother Teresa and Gandhi who showed others it was not necessarily the strongest that win or have the best ideas.

If you haven't read it you should!

“Extroverts are portrayed as go-getters; they’re bold, collaborative, energetic, and adventurous.  Introverts are portrayed as passive- they’re quite, shy, reserved, and unadventurous”

 Because this is how we base most of our expectations/judgments on introverts, we see more and more introverts with lower self-esteem.  In Personality Traits as Self-evaluated and as Judged by Others we read that most people base who they are on how others perceive them.  And that people judge others harsher, on being introverted or extroverted, than they judge themselves.  They favor their trait above the other. Under "Self-Esteem" in the Encyclopedia of Phobias, Fears, and Anxieties we read, “Many people become anxious when they compare themselves with others, their own unrealistic standards, and standards set for them by others.  Those who think they do not measure up develop low self-esteem” 

They like the ‘smell’ of freedom like if they want to go to bed early instead of to their friend’s party that is all right. Don’t worry that doesn’t mean they hate you or your party sucks. It just means they want to go to bed.

My dogs Shawn and Guster and me on a hike (named after the TV show Psych)

• works well with others, especially in one-to-one relationships
• maintains long-term friendships
• flexible
• independent
• strong ability to concentrate
• self-reflective
• responsible
• creative, out-of-the-box thinking
• analytical skills that integrate complexity
• studious and smart                                      -Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

A or B????

I have heard many different nicknames for introverts over the years;

              loners

                                         peaceful phlegmatics 

                             the color white

               indecisive

                                                                                                                         lazy

                                                                   quiet

                                                     and shy

 All of these traits somehow have a negative connotation to them. Who wants to be known as indecisive? Or a loner?

Instead of viewing introverts as “unfriendly, lethargic, or cold” 

we should view them as perhaps “self reliant.” 

 Introverts tend to be rather contemplative people, sensitive….” 

 And, “Introversion is a stable and heritable personality dimension characterized by a preference for quiet settings and for being alone… 

they are better described as reserved and even-paced”

“Instead of taking strong stands in a loud voice, they make insightful suggestions in a gentle tone.  Instead of holding forth at a meeting, they make alliances behind the scenes.  Instead of calling attention to a problem, they work at it, carefully and doggedly… Soft power is quiet persistence” 

Did you know that in the United States extroverts and introverts are equally divided?

Half the people you know have a different outlook on life than you.  They react in different ways and think differently than you and you love them for it.

A or B???

who are we to judge which way of thinking or acting is right, or is there even a right way to do it?  

Which way works the best for you?  Do you feel the need to voice your opinions or problems to all those who will listen, or do you prefer to stay quietly on the sidelines thinking to yourself that it’s not worth the wasted breath? Whichever one you are, try to appreciate the talents and strengths you possess and at the same time be grateful what the other person brings to the table.

Picture I took of my cousin at our cabin in Canada

“I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude”-Henry David Thoreau